ME: bartender. another. BARTENDER: but you just- ME: *slams fist on bar* ANOTHER [bartender reluctantly hands me another moist towelette]
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 25, 2015
Porky Pig wears a jacket, a bow tie, no shirt, no pants & has human hands but hooves for feet Weird Anywho, what brings you to speed dating?
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) February 13, 2015
*in the van* Me: Does everyone have shoes? Kid 1: Why do you always ask that? Me: Becau… Kid 2: Wait! I need shoes. Me: And that's why.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) October 27, 2015
HIM: Hi, I'm Bill. ME: Hi, I'm…oh shit this is embarrassing. I'm not really good with names.
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) October 6, 2015
Everyone refused to tell him the first rule — well, any rule really — of mime club. #FP
— AˢᵉᵉᵐSᵃˣᵉᶰᵃ (@RedNightHawkAKS) November 6, 2015