— Gary Foss (@garyvfoss) August 23, 2016
Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs "which drugs?" isn't the appropriate response. I know this now.
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) August 11, 2016
"This, THIS, is why we can't have nice things!"
*gestures wildly to the entire human race*
— Myrrh (@ixix82) July 7, 2016
Bartender: What will you have?
Me: Except for that one time in college.
Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?
— C'est la vie (@Robert_Beau) July 18, 2013
I just want to sit on a beach or patio and have a drink from a coconut, this is not too much to ask, I think
— the girl wonder (@kateemick) August 24, 2016