Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, "I'm GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 30, 2015
It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.
— Andrew Heister (@andrew_heister) May 28, 2016
No, I will not attempt to debate. Your blissful ignorance is obviously too precious for me to try to persuade you there's another way. #FP
— Constant Gardener (@CnstantGardener) September 2, 2016
If you love something, set it free. If it was a donut, that was a stupid thing to do.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 5, 2016
My life is exactly like Sleeping Beauty, except I'm only medium cute and I never get to kiss any princes. Basically I just really like naps.
— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) October 17, 2014