THERAPIST: Ever had a job?
ME: I once worked at a zoo
T: Great! & what did you take from that?
ME: Definitely not a penguin
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) September 2, 2016
Would Robin Hood fight the sheriff and win the lady? He Sherwood.
— Odd Thomas (@tomw1984) September 21, 2016
"If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well It were done quickly," I whisper, working up nerve to tell 2 we're out of frozen waffles.
— Myrrh (@ixix82) September 19, 2016
The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.
— The Darla (@ddsmidt) September 16, 2016
Putting my keys in a *really obvious place* this time so that later when I'm running late I can fi-
Aaand I lost my keys.
— Mommy_Owl (@Lhlodder) September 19, 2016