"I never know what to do at parties," he said. "I'm always the guy in the corner smoking a beer." #FP
— Alex Bernstein (@promonmars) May 20, 2016
You may have ordered the fries but whatever falls out in the bag is up for grabs. Everyone knows that; it's called the law of bag fries.
— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) May 18, 2016
{Watching a scary movie}
Him: Are you afraid?
Me: With our options for President, who wouldn't be terrified?
— Goddess of Mischief™ (@AsgardianRose) May 20, 2016
In some countries stealing costs you your hand, I remind him as pillows slowly disappear from my side of the bed.
— Island Girl (@_Water_Baby) May 21, 2016
My daughter just offered to come over and clean up the yard and put the new BBQ grill together .. And now I have a mystery to solve.
— Linda (@turtledumplin) May 21, 2016
Drawing on Words 