Me: let's go vegetarian
Husband: can we still eat eggs
M: of course
H: bacon on special occas-
M: we'd be crazy not to
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 27, 2015
*lies down in bed*
*gets comfortable and relaxes*
Brain: *blows into mic* *tap tap* Okay, so where was I…
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) March 4, 2016
If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood.
— Joe (@I_Bl33d_Purple) May 31, 2016
Amazing that I have to scream at my kids to come to dinner, but they'll be at my side within seconds if I'm silently eating candy.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 4, 2016
Chewbacca mistook R2D2 for a trashcan once. In his defense, they had just met.
— Naïve American (@Nahdude83) February 23, 2014