To be safe I never go out with more than $10 in my bank account
— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) November 7, 2016
I tried hiring someone to clean my filthy house, but it didn't work out. I could
hear her crying and praying, even through the hazmat suit.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) November 4, 2016
My cat sat up from a dead sleep and stared, frantic toward the empty basement laundry room so I guess I'll be buying a new house now.
— BöbLockJohnsonJänke (@Bob_Janke) November 7, 2016
Wife: We don't have anything planned today…
Wife: …so I was thinking we should…
— α geek (@alfageeek) November 14, 2015
No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates.
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) November 11, 2016