Does anyone want to come over for leftover Christmas ham every night for the next 2 or 3 months?
— JustLinda (@LindaInDisguise) January 7, 2017
Me: I'd like one thrift, please
Cashier: sir, we sell used-
Me: money is no object
C: we don't-
M: I need a thrift
— Dropped Mike (@misfarber) December 7, 2016
me: baby, are you mad at me just because I got the wrong sandpaper grit?
her: it's fine
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) January 5, 2017
I'm the reason the cashier hesitates a little before asking you how you're doing.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 5, 2017
Store Owner: Sorry, but we don't carry chicken feed. You want the place across the road.
*The Chicken stares deadpan into the camera
— MakeAmericaMEHAgain (@TheAlexNevil) January 6, 2017