Apparently it is my destiny to remember the lyrics of every song I've ever heard but forget why I walked into a room.
— Darlin' Darla (@Darlainky) May 23, 2015
Pharmacist: Are you Brian?
Me: I guess that depends what kind of medications this "Brian" gets.
— Badass O'Hoolihan (@bigmanlychin) November 15, 2016
I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 23, 2015
Credit card company called asked if my card had been stolen because I made a purchase somewhere other than a bar
— andrew (@AndrewsNotFunny) January 3, 2017
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger…Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don't like.
— Baby Bionic Swayze (@buhsbaby_baby) March 26, 2015