Drawing on Words

BANK TELLER: to open an account I'll need a first name
ME: Robin
BT: and a last?
ME: Dabanc
BT: so ur Robin Dabanc
Me: *slowly reveals gun*

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 29, 2016

[Interview room]
Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present

Cop: You ARE the lawyer

Me: So where's my present?!

— marf (@MarfSalvador) December 23, 2016

At least 20% of parenting is just peeling stickers off of things.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) January 24, 2017

The good news is my husband did all the laundry. The bad news is he discovered that I've just been buying new socks & undies for 6 months.

— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) January 16, 2017