BANK TELLER: to open an account I'll need a first name
BT: and a last?
BT: so ur Robin Dabanc
Me: *slowly reveals gun*
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 29, 2016
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes, turns out to be the fridge.
— YourFavoriteStalker (@KarinaLausen) April 11, 2015
Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where's my present?!
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) December 23, 2016
At least 20% of parenting is just peeling stickers off of things.
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) January 24, 2017
The good news is my husband did all the laundry. The bad news is he discovered that I've just been buying new socks & undies for 6 months.
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) January 16, 2017