4yo: Daddy, my tooth hurts
Me: Oh, ok, we'll have to go to the dentist
4yo: Wait, you know I think it's fine. I think it's healing…
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 25, 2014
my goal is to be the best patient in our group therapy sessions but I may be approaching this from the wrong angle
— tiny stabber (@kateemick) March 6, 2017
AC changed "laughing at your gif" to "laughing at your God" and now I've accidentally started a religious war in this group text…
— (G) (@4handfuls) March 7, 2017
*shows up willingly to intervention*
I thought you said drug and alcohol convention. My bad.
*slowly backs out of room*
— Ekim Drof (@mlkef) March 7, 2017
Wife: What do you want for dinner?
Me: I don't know. Steak? Chicken?
Wife: Let me rephrase. What kind of CEREAL do you want for dinner?
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 11, 2016