Drawing on Words

"My lawyers are going to have a field trip with you!"
–why I'm not allowed to trash talk

— John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) April 28, 2017

WIFE: [waves]
ME: [waves back]
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE: [waves]
ME: [waves back]
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE: [taking headphones off my head] where are the kids?

— Guy Incognito (itinerant shitposter) (@ShutUpThatsWho) May 2, 2017

Several odd things about the restraining order:

1. No mention of distance
2. Forbids joke telling
3. Written in crayon
4. Signed by my kids

— MichaelTrying (@MichaelTrying) April 28, 2017

Talking my dad thru saving a Word file over the phone feels like an air traffic controller having to talk a passenger thru landing a plane.

— Margot 🦖 (@notmargot663) April 20, 2017