Me: We need to clean the house.
7-year-old: Is someone coming over?
Me: We can clean for us.
7: But we know what it really looks like.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2017
I planted catnip in my yard. Two squirrels smelling like Patchouli just offered me brownies and called me "dude." I have my suspicions.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 6, 2017
Realtor: This is the master bedroom
Me: …and this is where the magic happens
Wife: No
Realtor: …
Me: Yep *pulls deck of cards out*
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) June 6, 2017
Sorry, but I've fully committed to my overreaction and therefore must stand by it
— Jeff Newton (@yonewt) June 10, 2017
just danced awkwardly with a bee.
— Dull & Wicked (@dullandwicked) May 22, 2017
Drawing on Words 