Me: I've had a breakdown.
Tow truck company: Where's your car?
— Phil (@geowizzacist) May 27, 2017
I forgot a towel when I took a shower so I had to use a bath mat to dry off and that's probably as close to being MacGyver as I'll ever get
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) February 5, 2017
Lois Lane spends a lonely afternoon at the beach because she doesn't recognize any of her friends in sunglasses.
— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) July 20, 2017
ASTRONAUT: Houston, we have a problem.
HOUSTON: Interesting, and yet when I have a problem you are off in space nowhere to be found. Hmm.
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) July 24, 2017
Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?"
Nurse: "B positive."
Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."
— Ste(ph)en (@stephenjmolloy) June 27, 2015