Me: Prince William and Kate are having another baby.
Wife: So?
Me: Maybe we should, too.
Wife: Become a prince and we’ll talk.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2017
I love dinner. It's the 5th most important meal of the day.
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) September 13, 2017
Just finished cleaning and can’t find the kids.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 7, 2016
https://twitter.com/crowguye/status/907991784420245505
They say dress for the job you want. Not sure if a professional dog petter wears a tie or not.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) September 11, 2017
Drawing on Words 