3-year-old: *has a rug burn on her forehead*
Me: How did you get that?
I have no follow-up questions.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2017
ME: Picture Tom Hanks doing stuff.
EXEC: I can get this greenlit in the next twelve hours.
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) October 25, 2017
You're working on your second master's degree? I have to whisper "Wed-nes-day" to myself when typing it out.
— 🕷Vampire Valerie🎃 (@ValeeGrrl) October 24, 2017
Never forget to look to the sky and dream the biggest of dreams.
Like right now I'm dreaming rain will cancel my kid's soccer practice.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 23, 2017
Whoever decided that the bathroom should be the smallest room in the house obviously wasn't a mother with children.
— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) October 25, 2017