Maybe one day I'll stop writing important information on the back of junk mail envelopes (now missing), but that day was not yesterday.
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) November 15, 2017
I put my 3-year-old’s socks on her feet in the wrong order and now everything is canceled because the world ended.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2017
I have never taken the right amount of napkins
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 18, 2017
Panic is my cardio.
— krismuscookie (@krismuscookie) October 30, 2016
KOHL'S: YOU SAVED $92 based on these arbitrarily high prices we made up!
ME: I am honestly just so blessed
— maison falling (@maisonshouting) September 14, 2017