Cat's been in the sandbox for 15 minutes now, she must be tweeting.
— Aly Rhymes W/ Molly (@Ohhialypie) August 17, 2015
When my husband asks me where I want to eat, I always say, "Somewhere good." And then reject every one of his suggestions. I'm a delight.
— Spookley Britches (@BossyBritches72) September 1, 2014
When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" People always clap when she wakes up.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 18, 2015
Fairly certain this lady in front of me at the market is typing “War and Peace” on the debit card scanner.
— bougie beth (@bourgeoisalien) August 17, 2015
— Jessa Lynch (@chichenpizza) August 18, 2015