I used to tell jokes in front of all my stuffed animals. They were a gracious audience… Except for the donkey, who was an ass.
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) September 2, 2015
Interview tip-If asked "whats your greatest weakness?" reply "i was cursed by a gypsy to be so good at jobs that i can never find true love"
— McC (@MattMcC1) September 3, 2015
[packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen
— Ollie Garch (@ojedge) September 3, 2015
Welcome to Passive Aggressive Club. We all got here early, but you just take your time.
— Donna Macabre (@Donna_McCoy) April 22, 2015
When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said.
— Ceej (@ceejoyner) February 6, 2014