Chuck asked if I had a martial arts weapon consisting of two sticks connected at one end by a chain. I said "I have none, Chuck"
— Neon (@theneonninja) September 14, 2015
[first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.
— molls (@MollySneed) April 17, 2015
I'm wearing a push-up bra and can still only do 3 push-ups. Would not recommend.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 23, 2015
THEM: Wow, I haven't seen you for ages. How long has it been? ME: I was told there would be no math.
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) November 25, 2015
In taste tests, butter beat I Can't Believe It's Not Butter by just a small margarine.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 28, 2015