YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni
YANKEE DOODLE'S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody's worried about u
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) October 3, 2015
"@LaniBeno: I don't have a messy house. I have a strategically laid obstacle course to foil burglars." @nadalada14
— Steve Carley (@ScubaSteve1219) June 15, 2013
I have finally given up the frantic flossing before a dentist appointment and this is what freedom feels like.
— Katie Kat (@kateemick) December 22, 2015
Everytime I call my dog he never answers I regret getting him that phone
— Mark Marusich (@NoticablyBacon) December 27, 2015
The coolest goats are probably escape goats, what with the flashlights tied to their horns.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 28, 2015