My kids are ecstatic to look for Easter eggs for three hours, but they won't help me look for my car keys for even 30 seconds.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 22, 2016
https://twitter.com/MESOOCORNYY/status/622179029374775301
Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 10, 2015
Went to my niece's elementary school field day last week.
I won every single event.
Every. Single. Event.
— rick (@rickolantern) June 1, 2014
Wife: What's making all that noise in the washing machine?
Me: *does a quick head count of the children*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2016