Drawing on Words

My kids are ecstatic to look for Easter eggs for three hours, but they won't help me look for my car keys for even 30 seconds.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 22, 2016

Easter tip: Tell your kids you hid an egg with $50 in it in the backyard but you don't remember where. Enjoy a quiet day indoors.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 10, 2015

Went to my niece's elementary school field day last week.

I won every single event.

Every. Single. Event.

— rick (@rickolantern) June 1, 2014

Wife: What's making all that noise in the washing machine?

Me: *does a quick head count of the children*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2016