Drawing on Words

My best friend donated her organs.

To the one who gets her heart, you won the lottery.
To the one who gets her liver, well, good luck.

— Linda Ann (@LindaInDisguise) March 21, 2016

Therapy

Me: she never tells me anything
Her: He doesn't listen
Me: that's bs gimme an example
Her: I'm 8 months pregnant
Me: WHOA

— Jacob Swift (@jacob_swift16) July 19, 2016

Just scooped up a soft piece of cheese with harder piece of cheese.

Your move, MacGyver.

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) July 22, 2016

"Oh my gosh, this is the biggest donut I've ever seen."
"Mam, that's a tire."
"Kids, get me a napkin."

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 3, 2016

I watched the news once.

0 of 5 stars. Would not recommend.

— NoVodka NoTots (@Vodkantots) July 10, 2016