Not to brag, but I am really good at taking naps.
I can even do them with my eyes closed.
— Claire Burton (@urmumsausername) May 2, 2016
Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
— Shower Thoughts (@showersthinker) May 7, 2015
Women mow the lawn like they're vacuuming.
Men vacuum like they're mowing the lawn.
— Just Linda (@LindaInDisguise) August 21, 2016
Her: If you could have any person over to dinner who would it be?
Her: Wait is that just cuz he won't eat your tacos
— Sock Holliday (@sock_holliday) August 22, 2016
Sometimes I wonder if the spambots on Instagram actually think I'm gorgeous and then I wonder if that will help me during their robot reign.
— Underfold Comics (@TheUnderfold) August 23, 2016