Someday I will sit on a couch that doesn't have crumbs all over it.
Today is not that day.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) April 10, 2017
An Umbrella, a device used to stay dry. Unless you're in the North, then it's a sign of utter weakness.
— Northerner Logic (@NorthernerLogic) December 18, 2016
"Sorry about this, but I ran out of allergy medicine and it's spring," I say to the frightened pharmacy clerk through my hazmat suit.
— Darlin' Darla (@Darlainky) April 13, 2017
@nsfinch Sucks when the choice is "do I want to be informed" or "do I want to be happy".
— Tanya Duncan (@SpoolandThimble) April 13, 2017
My therapist says watching fish in an aquarium is a good way to quiet the mind but I can't relax when they are all hovering there judging me
— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) April 13, 2017