Drawing on Words

*Goes on a date with someone I met on the internet*

Him: "This has been fun."

Me: "When can I meet the dog in your profile picture?"

— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) July 7, 2017

My dog just tripped over his own four feet so no need for genetic testing I'm pretty sure he's mine.

— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) July 8, 2017

Financial status:

I walked past a penny on the ground and didn't even slow down.

Then I went back and got it.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2017

Tempur-Pedic: Because comfort is more important than your 401k.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 8, 2017