Drawing on Words

The tables will turn, daughter, and I'll spend my geriatric years living rent free in your house, refusing to go to bed. Watch.

— Burning Mom ⚡️ (@MomOnFire) July 30, 2017

I got on one knee before her, and slowly opened the jewelry box that was filled with tiny slices of ham.

Anyway, she wasn't the one.

— Avogadro’s House of Moles (@schumoo) July 29, 2017

5-year-old: I don't want to go to sleep.

Me: What else would you do all night?

5: Not sleep.

Solid plan.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 8, 2017

Me: Parents for $800
Alex: Answer "Fake a limp"
M: What is What happens when I ask my kid to do a chore?
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 9, 2017