The tables will turn, daughter, and I'll spend my geriatric years living rent free in your house, refusing to go to bed. Watch.
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) July 30, 2017
I got on one knee before her, and slowly opened the jewelry box that was filled with tiny slices of ham.
Anyway, she wasn't the one.
— Pedro Zapatero (@schumoo) July 29, 2017
5-year-old: I don't want to go to sleep.
Me: What else would you do all night?
5: Not sleep.
Solid plan.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 8, 2017
yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
— childish sadbino (@datassque) July 30, 2017
Me: Parents for $800
Alex: Answer "Fake a limp"
M: What is What happens when I ask my kid to do a chore?
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 9, 2017
Drawing on Words 