12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year?

Me: What's wrong with the one we live in?

12yo: WHAT?!

Me: Goodnight, son.

— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) September 29, 2014

My 4yo said he could buckle his seatbelt without help this morning. We are still sitting in the driveway & it's starting to get dark.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) September 22, 2015

may not be "hip" or "with it" or "cool" or "trendy" or "current" or "faddy" or "all the rage" or "chic" but I do have access to a thesaurus.

— number one ploop man (@johnbiehl) January 20, 2015

Dog 911: what's ur emergency?

Dog: THEYRE PUSHIN THAT LOUD THING AROUND ON THE CARPET AGAIN

Dog 911: OMG

Dog: OMG

Dog 911: OMG

Dog: OMG

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) August 21, 2015

The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.

— antisocialsocialist (@gobmentcheese) August 28, 2015

There are many different types of engineers including 'downright rude' and 'civil'

— God is Tricksy (@AdrianYoung10) August 30, 2015

It's a good thing our bodies age slowly. It's so much easier to be horrified just a little bit each day.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 20, 2015

That awkward moment when you realize plastic dinosaurs are made of actual dinosaurs.

— Fantasy Author (@BrianRathbone) August 28, 2015