Sunday Comics

January 10, 2016December 28, 2015bobbibowwoman2 Comments

"I've…been here before." She ran her fingers along the wallpaper. "It's like I know this place."
"Kim! Mum's been drinking again!" #FP

— Sarah Brentyn (@SarahBrentyn) October 23, 2015

Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was?
[flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills]
Me: Easily 10

— Dave (@T_N_Crumpets) August 4, 2015

You will not be happy with the answers, guy reading the nutritional information on a box of Toaster Strudels.

— Marc MacKenzie (@marcmack) October 9, 2014

I do my best math when I'm figuring out how much sleep I'll get if I fall asleep RIGHT NOW

— Bad Mikey (@BadMikeyBad) January 18, 2014

https://twitter.com/Jake_Vig/status/658303849829113856

Sunday Comics

January 3, 2016December 28, 2015bobbibowwomanLeave a comment

https://twitter.com/alanapaints/status/671782584129478656

It took me five minutes to realize why the unplugged toaster wasn't working, so I just went ahead and used my college degree as a napkin.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 7, 2015

https://twitter.com/CherylCheryl94/status/605730163301728256

everyone makes fun of your pocket protector until they see there are hash browns in there and then are all like 'i'm sorry can i have one'

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 11, 2015

https://twitter.com/cormacorourke19/status/464822815108390912

Sunday Comics

December 27, 2015December 20, 2015bobbibowwomanLeave a comment

Just lost the loudest game of "Tupperware Cabinet Jenga" known to man.

— Jim…Unmasked (@ItMightBeJimbo) May 12, 2013

Just read an inspirational quote telling me 'my angle will be there in times of need' so I'm brushing up on my trigonometry in preparation.

— Julie (@Julie_McGann1) August 10, 2015

[me getting chased by the police]
OFFICER: i'm in pursuit, suspect is on foot–suspect WAS on foot, suspect is cryi–nevermind i got this

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 4, 2015

Sometimes I stop and think, "I could totally get back into the same shape I was in in my twenties." And then I go back to eating my Doritos.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) October 16, 2014

https://twitter.com/TheTCreamer/status/647389338033123328

Sunday Comics

December 20, 2015December 18, 2015bobbibowwomanLeave a comment

For those of you who celebrate Christmas or give gifts during this season, here are a few tweets that tickled me…

I opened the first door on my Advent calendar for moms, and a tiny pile of dirty laundry fell out.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 1, 2015

Just trimmed the Christmas tree to make our presents look bigger.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 13, 2015

Christmas tree ornaments. Otherwise known as 'cat toys'

— God is Tricksy (@AdrianYoung10) December 15, 2015

6yo: Can I cut a snowman out of a piece of paper?
Me: Sure, but just one piece of paper.
6yo: Ok! [uses 18 glue sticks.]

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 5, 2015

Do you like it?

"A pinecone?"

Yeah, you said you wanted a pinecone for Christmas

"I said AN iPHONE…"

Oh, that makes so much more sense

— Super Randomish (@SuperRandomish) November 23, 2015

Sunday Comics

December 13, 2015December 12, 2015bobbibowwoman2 Comments

This first one is a real insight into my sports knowledge:

[coworkers talking about college football]
Me: rhode island school of design seems strong this year
[silence]
Me: yay sports

— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) September 22, 2015

At some point, a guy looked at an onion that was clearly purple & called it red. AND WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE LETTING IT HAPPEN.

— You know (@Tmoney68) February 6, 2015

I'm so good at explaining the meaning of symbols I'm pretty much a legend.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 26, 2015

My daughter put a horse's head in my bed this morning. It was from an animal cracker but conveyed the message pretty clearly who is boss.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 4, 2014

I just showed up on time for something like one of those grown adult thingies.
I mean, it was the wrong day. But still.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 17, 2014

Sunday Comics

December 6, 2015December 1, 2015bobbibowwomanLeave a comment

Happy December!

I saved time doing yard work by renaming the weeds "plants"

— Drunk Dreamer (@ElgatoEsmio) July 9, 2015

https://twitter.com/SteveKoehler22/status/641912057395343364

4-year-old: Why do you go to work?

Me: They pay me a salary.

4-year-old:

Me:

4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2015

Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014

[makes a voodoo doll of himself]
[gives it a little back rub]

— Timmy™ (@TheTimmyToes) August 11, 2015

Sunday Comics

November 29, 2015October 27, 2015bobbibowwomanLeave a comment

My tattoo is 1/4 of the Chinese symbol for courage because it hurt so bad I started crying and told the guy to stop.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 12, 2015

My dog is so lazy she is barking at the UPS driver from the bed upstairs.

— Moxieblogger (@moxieblogger) August 12, 2015

https://twitter.com/Jake_Vig/status/447115717104910336

How do you give up in a towel throwing contest?

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) June 16, 2015

I don't follow everyone back

I check out their TL
Read some tweets
See if they retweet
Stand outside of their home for days

Then I decide.

— Platinum2000 (@PLATINUM2000) September 8, 2015

Sunday Comics

November 22, 2015October 27, 2015bobbibowwoman3 Comments

https://twitter.com/est1975blog/status/639661702255124481

It's hard to tell when goats are kidding.

— Gran Master E. (@E_lok44) September 7, 2015

Torn between buying the new iPad Pro with keyboard and pencil or a regular laptop and a helicopter.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 9, 2015

https://twitter.com/RedNightHawkAKS/status/642281396233457664

I'm at a rave!

Well, it's a party.

Okay, a small gathering of friends.

Fine. I'm watching Netflix with my cat.

And he won't sit with me.

— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) April 8, 2015

Sunday Comics

November 15, 2015October 27, 2015bobbibowwoman2 Comments

I used to tell jokes in front of all my stuffed animals.

They were a gracious audience… Except for the donkey, who was an ass.

— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) September 2, 2015

Interview tip-If asked "whats your greatest weakness?" reply "i was cursed by a gypsy to be so good at jobs that i can never find true love"

— mcc (@MattMcC1) September 3, 2015

[packing for holiday]

WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase

ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen

— Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) (@ojedge) September 3, 2015

Welcome to Passive Aggressive Club. We all got here early, but you just take your time.

— Donna McCoy (@Donna_McCoy) April 22, 2015

When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said.

— ceej (@ceejoyner) February 6, 2014

Sunday Comics

November 8, 2015October 27, 2015bobbibowwoman2 Comments

My son answers questions about his day like he's testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) September 1, 2015

I've been relaxing today, laying on top of a hedge.

Resting on my laurels.

(not remotely sorry)

— God is Tricksy (@AdrianYoung10) September 2, 2015

Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 1, 2015

https://twitter.com/LMHPhotog/status/638555066501234688

https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/637915935748304896